THE UNSALTED

Ahhh, Instagram: what’s not to love? I’m a very visual person, so I like scrolling through endless images daily. It’s easy, fast, and sometimes even captivating. There are so many gorgeous accounts to follow. However, there are also a lot of accounts that seem interesting at first glance, but follow the same repetitive pattern over and over.. and over again. Mainly “blogger” accounts with an impressive number of followers, despite the lack of surprise. So, here are the ten rules to follow if you want to become a one in a dozen cliché instagram blogger. Apparently people actually dig this. Snoooooze.

1. White surroundings are key. Plants the major accent. Decorate your home as plainly as possible, then add some life by putting some plants all over the place. Cactuses are good, mixed with some palm-tree looking varieties.
2. Master the perfect selfie. Your followers love your natural beauty. So put on as much foundation and make-up as possible, find your best angle, and add #nofilter to your shot so people know you’re just “born this gorgeous”.
3. Buy a cat. Preferably one that can stand/sit still so you can use it as an accessory in your pics without trouble. Make sure it has big, enigmatic eyes. Use it.
4. Post pictures of healthy/vegan food. Because you’re sooooo into health and fitness, obvi. Some of the instabloggers occasionally post pictures of them holding a burger as well (hashtag #sobad #guiltypleasure). Makes you believe they actually eat like a normal person and are incapable of getting fat. Riiiiight.
5. You’re on a holiday pretty much half the time. Smother your followers with pictures of dreamy beaches, cocktails and swimming pools.
6. Occasionally post a close-up of one of your beauty products. This usually involves classics as Chanel lipstick or Dior nail polish.
7. Do the same with outfits. Especially if you bought something new. You’re apparently loaded and capable of spending so much cash it would be a shame not to show it. Make sure your pictures are cropped in a way so that you never see an item fully.
8. Inspirational quotes are your best friend. You either use them to show everyone you’re “so deep” or “so normal”. Bitch please, we all know you have no idea what it’s like to be awkward.
9. While white may be your wall-color, black must be the rule fashionwise. So show off a lot of black outfits. Even when it’s thirty degrees out there.
10. Every place you go is stunning. You only visit geometric masterpieces, beautiful boardwalks and impressive buildings. Oh, and don’t forget rule number one: your love of plants also applies outside your house.

So there you have it. Time to gain followers and bore the others with your predictability. I wish you well! May you thrive and succeed!