THE UNSALTED

Whoever said the dating game never changes is wrong and stupid. Of course it does. For example: dating in your mid-twenties blows. As a female, I can only say that it is not only hard to find a suitable single guy (they’re either in a committed, long-term relationship or gay), they also have two very different possible perspectives on you. I’ve noticed these are the options: A) they simply want to have sex (with as many girls as possible) while they still can, or B) They are overly eager to immediately start a serious relationship with you (especially if all their friends are taken and settling down). Where’s the chill dude that likes to take things slow and see where it goes without pressure? Where’s the relax guy that doesn’t get angry when you don’t want to go out on a date if you’ve only exchanged a total of 5 words in advance? Seriously? Can’t I just text you when I’m out amongst friends? A comfortable setting without expectations? And if we hit it off, well, we can always go on a real date after that, right?

Meeting those two stereotypes is not only annoying, it’s also so boring my brains might as well turn into mush right here and now. Sadly, the only interesting ones are the guys who merely want to bang you. At least they’re mysterious in a way, and you’re never sure what to expect. Note to all men: girls love the chase as well. Not knowing whether you’re ours is exciting. It’s fun. Your independent attitude is attractive. Type two (immediate commitment-dude) never got that memo, and it’s the biggest turn-off ever. Especially when they have the nerve to get angry when you don’t respond to a text. Dude, what did I ever do to you? You need to take a step back and breathe. You don’t even know me. Despite what you might think, I have other things to do, meaning I sometimes forget to reply or I simply don’t have time at the moment. I’ll spontaneously text you when I’m free and want to see you, so please: calm down. And even if I don’t: who gives a shit? Why would you care so much if you’ve never even had a real conversation with me? You’re really going to make a fuss about a girl not immediately replying? Says a lot about your character (Let’s see, you’re either really insecure, or really arrogant. Worst case scenario you’re.. both), and yup: by acting like a scorned little bitch you just ruined any chance of going on a date. Nobody likes clingy people. Well, except those girls (mostly horse riding-girls, not sure why) who have a constant flood of statuses about their man (“So in love with @JimmyDorkdouche! <3! I don’t care what people say, you’re perfect to me. So glad I met you. Us forever bby!!”) from day 1 up until the “totally unexpected” break-up, after which they switch to obvious diss-statuses and depressed or empowering quotes (“Life never goes the way you want it to go..” – Feeling down, response by Shianty “Keep your head up!  ❤ I love you, BFF! Call me!!”). I’ve got two words for you: puke alert! Anyway, my point is: most men I meet are the exact opposite of captivating, and if this continues to be the trend I’d like to go to sleep now. You can wake me up when you’ve got your balls back.

To all of you who think my rant about not replying is mean and bitchy: it’s not. I try to be nice to everyone I meet or see, and I can say in all honesty that I didn’t mean any harm if I didn’t respond. But really, if something as banal as that can hurt you, you’re putting too much pressure on something that isn’t even anything yet. And yes: I know the struggle is real.  I’ve asked guys to hang out, some replied, others didn’t. And you know what: that’s okay. I like to go by the motto “if someone’s interested, they’ll come to you eventually”, whether it’s immediately or a year later. And if they’re not: so be it. It’s not the end of the freakin’ world. And that’s another thing about dating late 20-somethings that annoys me: there’s so much pressure and a lot of misplaced expectations. Things would go a lot smoother if everyone just went with the flow (Okay, that sentence kinda feels like the start of a bad rap song, weird).

Alright, to end this surprisingly long post: I assume most guys my age who are trying to date stumble upon the same issues, given that those two types also work the other way around, meaning there are girl versions of both out there as well. Type B (immediate commitment – easy) is exactly the same, while A (only interested in sex) surely exists in a girl variant, except we’d label her as slutty or an STD-factory. For guys the latter might be entertaining (who am I kidding, of course she is), but you’ll never consider having a relationship with her, and Miss B Clingy isn’t exactly an attractive alternative. Though I do think a sane, chill girl is easier to find than the male counterpart. Stressing the “I think”. As in “I sincerely hope so or else I’m sure the human race is doomed to produce crazy people”.

Kind regards,

Your self-proclaimed love and dating guru, C to the amille*

*so not cool. I will never attempt this again.